End of year report... of a middle-aged mum!

I'm writing this early, as next week, when the children 'break-up' (I know it's too early, but that's what you get for sending your children to prep/private school), it'll be much too busy to think...

Things have changed a lot since last year.  I mean, a LOT.

Last summer we were in the throes of the business going down.  It's still difficult to think about it, such a lot of effort, emotion, time and everything, was lost.  And it was incredibly difficult to go through that, and it not to have an effect on us all.  And it was incredibly difficult to go through Christmas with us both effectively redundant....  

I heard on 23rd December that I'd got the job at Grove Library, but the starting date didn't come until mid-January.  Simon went through a very rigorous interview process with interviews at various 'levels' in UK and USA, and started his new job 1st March.  But from mid-October when the Administrators were called in, until 1st March, we were living in limbo.  And that's a cruel kind of hell.

At the same time, before, during and after, I'd been having my 'menopausal' symptoms.  The stress of the situation probably exacerbated things, but essentially I wasn't sleeping (well, I was going to bed early ~ 9.30pm ~ because I knew I'd be awake during the night, and would wake 2, 3 and 4 times and struggle to go back to sleep, and then feel robbed in the morning when the alarm went off).  And being  tired all the time made it very difficult to feel positive...

Going through the process of choosing which senior school to send Phoebe to.  And worrying whether we could afford it if staying in private sector.

Going through the process of objecting to the planning application to build 24 (reduced to 18) houses on the field behind our house.  Yes, it's NIMBYism (Not In My BackYard), but there were valid planning objections, such as drainage, but not the least is that the field is the border of the local Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, and as such should not be developed.  'We' were over-ruled at appeal.

And, we were struggling in our marriage, for all the above reasons, and some private ones, and feeling like we didn't want the same things, like were drifting apart....  ANYHOO,  New Year, new start....  We've both got new jobs.  We've had relationship counselling, and things are improving.  

Phoebe sat entrance exams for 2 private schools, and was offered places at both.  We accepted the place at her preferred school when we knew Simon had a job offer.  

I've learnt from some health-checks this year that I've got high blood pressure, probably as a result of the accumulated stress.  I've also learnt that I'm borderline anaemic (probably from my menopausal symptoms, which explains why I felt sooooo tired for much the last 2 years), and I should probably work on my reducing my cholesterol level (5.2).  I'm making changes to my pescatarian  (fishy-vegetarian) diet - more iron, soya, lentils, spinach and chickpeas.  Some eggs, more oily fish, more oats, apples, fruit and veg(!) and no alcohol (not a huge loss, I'd been 'drinking' less and less for much of  the last 3 - 4 years anyway) less dairy.  I'm on tablets for the blood-pressure.  And I'm trying not to be so hard on myself.

So.

Looking forward, things are getting better, and I'm feeling more energised from better diet.  Sleeping better, and, if I do wake up, I generally get back to sleep.  Walking the dog is my exercise - I'm the main one in charge of his exercise, as I'm usually the one around who can do it regularly.  Although we do like to walk him 'en famille' at the weekends (if the children aren't too grouchy)...

Still reading 'Wolf Hall'.  Want to finish it now. It takes me a long time to read, and I've been distracted by low cholesterol cookery books, and such like...  time to put the hens to bed.

Marks for the end of year report.?  I'd give it a cautious 7/10, with room for improvement, but compared to last year, that's a whole lot better!

TTFN.  keep it sweet.  Kat

So it turns out....

... I've got high blood pressure.

Bit of a blow.  I'm not quite 47.  Better to know about it though.

Probably down to stress.  I don't add salt, and we only have crisps/chips 'n' dips every other week, if that.  I'm mainly vegetarian (don't like meat), but do eat fish.  I don't drink.  The rare occasions I've had a drink over last 3-4 years I've not enjoyed it and it's added to my 'menopausal' symptoms (headaches, insomnia, hot flushes, irritability), so, at Christmas, I stopped.  (Feel much better without it to be honest).  I do like a nice piece of cake and cup of tea.  I walk the dog (after school run, you've read about it in previous blogs of mine...).  I'm house-wife, mother, wife (not necessarily in that order).  I'm cutting down on dairy and increasing soya.

Looking back it has been quite stressful.

I mean, 2nd baby at age 40.  (Home birth, brilliant!).  Then, 11 months later, we moved house.  Not just moved house, moved area.  Totally.  Like 75miles distant from support network developed from 1st child's ante natal group.  Oh, yes, and I gave up my job (at RBG, Kew) to move here.  So lost that sense of self.  And we lost my lovely mother-in-law, Verity, to MND within 3 months of us moving house.  And I staggered on through the accumulated grief/stress/rage and doom, because, that's what you do.  When you're the mum.  When things need doing.  And looking back, it seems I don't remember much about it.  And that's probably for the best.

And then when Tom was old enough for school I started to work with my husband, and we struggled to keep the business going, but it sank, and that's when I started to blog, to try to find my voice again, to try to find myself.  And by and by, I went to see my GP, and we found my high blood pressure, and borderline anaemia, (explains why I've been sooooo tired for the last years, and why my feet are cold in bed), which can be addressed.

And looking back I didn't know it at the time, but it was quite stressful.  So, now I'm taking the pills, and some iron supplement, and feeling much better!  But the late nights of the weekend are catching up, and although I could quite happily have gone to bed an hour ago, there's still a hen up and I can't go to bed until they're safely tucked away and locked in for the night... 

We had a manic weekend again.  Richard over from Singapore (not seen him for 4 yrs or so), and other visitors as well.  Cooking, child-minding/entertaining, dog walking, laundry, car wash, work at the library, and not necessarily in that order!

No time to read Wolf Hall.  I'm still round about page 500.  This is why I daren't take long books out of the library.  I can read 10 pages a night, most, before I'm asleep!  And, on the insomnia front.  I think the stress levels are improving, and the sleep is as well.  To those fellow insomniacs out there, it may help to talk.  It did for me.

TTFN.  Kat  ;)

My English country garden, early May.

I sometimes wonder ...

.... if there's an alternative 'me' in a parallel universe somewhere out there.

A 'me' who is good at time management.

A 'me' who is patient with the children.

A 'me' who's got it sussed by now...

and then I wake up!

So, since the robins flew the nest it's been mostly hectic.  

I've volunteered to make Phoebe's costume for the school play.  She's the tallest in her class by a good  head and shoulders, and I'm fairly sure none of the existing school wardrobe items would fit her character.  She's playing a Victorian Lady.... so I'll just knock something up then.

Actually, this is where charity shops can come into their own.  I've found 3 pieces of fabric, 2 the same blue, 1 striped blue and gold, probably curtain pieces, cost £3.50.  I found a black, triangular, lacy shawl, 50p.  I bagged a chunky piece of black plastic jewellery on a chain, 50p - imitation jet.  I got wedding dress hooping 50p, and a black underskirt with net layering, £4.00.

She's got a white blouse which is suitable in its silhouette, but isn't lacy.  I may try for something more high necked on e-Bay.

So I've already got the underskirt hooped, and tomorrow I'll be trying to pull the curtain fabric together! boom boom, all puns intended.

I think half-term wore me out.  It's not easy trying to entertain an 11.5 yr old and a 6 yr old, or stop them fighting ALL the time. 

The Queen's Diamond Jubilee was a distraction, there were stalls and a fair in the park opposite our house (!) on the Saturday.  Also on the Saturday my WI ladies delivered their contribution to the fun - 140 fairy cakes all decorated in red white and blue. On the Sunday Tom and I delivered them to the town square.  We chose a most eco-friendly mode of transport.  A wheelbarrow....

Tom paraded in front of the wheelbarrow waving his union jack flag, and we met the PCSO (Police Community Support Officer) as we passed the barriers to traffic.  I had covered the appearance of the wheelbarrow with a tablecloth, so it was as hygienic as possible!  The cakes were to be given out free to all children who attended the 'Big Lunch' in the town square.   Big wash-out more like it.  We took our picnic, sat down at a trestle table, and the heavens opened.   Once my underwear was damp (from the rain!) we decided to call it a day, and returned home to picnic indoors...

We attended the Grove celebrations (stalls, bouncy castles, tea tent, beer tent, it's a knock-out) on the Monday, and luckily the weather held fair and a good time was had by all.

On the Tuesday we went to Legoland, and although we left home later than I wanted to, we only queued for 30mins before we got to the customer service hatch, and then a further 15minutes to collect our upgraded tickets. Yup.  we upgraded to annual passes.  It actually seems to be a better deal than I expected. We went in April and upgraded on the phone within the 7 day 'offer' (catch you) time.  I'd anticipated our annual pass would be the April to April 2013, but the annual pass commenced the 5th June and expires 5th June 2013.  So that seemed fair.  All was well until the rain started again at 2pm and stuck at it.  Still, we can go again, and again..... and you get discount on the food and shops.

Once the children went back to school I sprained my ankle walking the dog.  (I slipped in the ditch which is the usual shortcut...)  I thought I was going to pass out.  Really.  I ended up lying on a patch of grass so I wouldn't fall over if I did flake out!  The swelling was quite impressive, but the bruising didn't really do the injury justice.  It's coming up to 3 weeks since accident, and it's still swollen at the end of the day and stiff in the mornings, and if I poke it in certain places it's sore, so I don't poke it!

I had a training morning for the library's new self-service unit. Quite a hassle to get to the other side of   Oxford by 9am.  I left Wantage 7.50am and got there by the skin of my teeth... with no sat-nav either.  Navigation's fine if you're in the passenger seat.  If you're driving and navigating it can be tricky...

Anyhoo. The new self-service has been introduced to Grove Library. Grove Library is to be the first of the new 'community plus' libraries which is intended to be staffed by a third volunteers by 2014.  The Friends group are to manage the volunteers, which leaves two thirds staffing by paid staff, hence the self-service to speed things up a bit.  My contract is temporary for the moment, ends 11th December, but I'm hoping to go permanent in the wash!...  watch this space.

On the subject of reading.  I'm still enjoying Wolf Hall, only more slowly.  I'm about 480 pages through now, and want to get it finished, but there's so much to do, and I'm quite tired when I get to bed...

Watched a couple of DVD's recently.  'The Tree of Life' winner of Palme d'Or at Cannes last year.  Must be the strangest film I've ever seen, ever.  I watched it to the end (2 sittings) and couldn't say I enjoyed it, but wanted to see if it would make sense by the end.  It didn't.  So much for Terence Malick, Brad Pitt and Sean Penn.  On a lighter note, last night we watched 'Submarine'.  A funny little Welsh coming of age film which was quite engaging.  Not the best film ever, but I enjoyed it.

Gotta go, school ironing for tomorrow.

TTFN.  Keep it sweet! Kat :)