Just a quick one then....

choccie?  drinky-poos? (I don't any more), something else?  ;)

Nope,  just a quick blog on the old blogspot dot com.  I'm sure you've heard me say this before, but things have been really busy recently.

The TV's not had as much impact on the family as I anticipated.  We're quite set in our ways it seems, and although we did watch 'The Devil Wears Prada' (again) last night, it was so intrusively, dreadfully interrupted with commercials that it made it incredibly late when Phoebe went to bed. We did laugh a lot though.  ;)

Simon's away in USA this week coming.  Then he flies back on Friday (13th, I'm not even going there!), arrives in UK 7.30am on Saturday 14th and we take the ferry across to France 11pm (23.00hrs) also on Saturday 14th...  I'm working that morning, so will sort out packing that afternoon, take dog to kennels, make final arrangements with neighbours for hens, vacuum car, as don't want to go on holiday in trashed up car (dog, kids....), if I have time will change the beds, as is nicer to come home to fresh linen... will need a holiday after all that.  Actually we've not had a proper holiday for a couple of years, what with one thing and another....  so we're really looking forward to the break.

Whilst he's away, Phoebe's got 2 performances of the play.  Monday and Tuesday, so I'll be watching it along with Tom.  The skirt I made is in use, and I believe works quite well.  I've not seen the final ensemble, as she took her old school boater (straw hat) to complete the outfit, and she's wearing her hair in a bun.  Here's a photo of the first try-on, Phoebe early morning before school...

And on that note, hens to lock up (as always), I'll bid you good night...  Kat

End of year report... of a middle-aged mum!

I'm writing this early, as next week, when the children 'break-up' (I know it's too early, but that's what you get for sending your children to prep/private school), it'll be much too busy to think...

Things have changed a lot since last year.  I mean, a LOT.

Last summer we were in the throes of the business going down.  It's still difficult to think about it, such a lot of effort, emotion, time and everything, was lost.  And it was incredibly difficult to go through that, and it not to have an effect on us all.  And it was incredibly difficult to go through Christmas with us both effectively redundant....  

I heard on 23rd December that I'd got the job at Grove Library, but the starting date didn't come until mid-January.  Simon went through a very rigorous interview process with interviews at various 'levels' in UK and USA, and started his new job 1st March.  But from mid-October when the Administrators were called in, until 1st March, we were living in limbo.  And that's a cruel kind of hell.

At the same time, before, during and after, I'd been having my 'menopausal' symptoms.  The stress of the situation probably exacerbated things, but essentially I wasn't sleeping (well, I was going to bed early ~ 9.30pm ~ because I knew I'd be awake during the night, and would wake 2, 3 and 4 times and struggle to go back to sleep, and then feel robbed in the morning when the alarm went off).  And being  tired all the time made it very difficult to feel positive...

Going through the process of choosing which senior school to send Phoebe to.  And worrying whether we could afford it if staying in private sector.

Going through the process of objecting to the planning application to build 24 (reduced to 18) houses on the field behind our house.  Yes, it's NIMBYism (Not In My BackYard), but there were valid planning objections, such as drainage, but not the least is that the field is the border of the local Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, and as such should not be developed.  'We' were over-ruled at appeal.

And, we were struggling in our marriage, for all the above reasons, and some private ones, and feeling like we didn't want the same things, like were drifting apart....  ANYHOO,  New Year, new start....  We've both got new jobs.  We've had relationship counselling, and things are improving.  

Phoebe sat entrance exams for 2 private schools, and was offered places at both.  We accepted the place at her preferred school when we knew Simon had a job offer.  

I've learnt from some health-checks this year that I've got high blood pressure, probably as a result of the accumulated stress.  I've also learnt that I'm borderline anaemic (probably from my menopausal symptoms, which explains why I felt sooooo tired for much the last 2 years), and I should probably work on my reducing my cholesterol level (5.2).  I'm making changes to my pescatarian  (fishy-vegetarian) diet - more iron, soya, lentils, spinach and chickpeas.  Some eggs, more oily fish, more oats, apples, fruit and veg(!) and no alcohol (not a huge loss, I'd been 'drinking' less and less for much of  the last 3 - 4 years anyway) less dairy.  I'm on tablets for the blood-pressure.  And I'm trying not to be so hard on myself.

So.

Looking forward, things are getting better, and I'm feeling more energised from better diet.  Sleeping better, and, if I do wake up, I generally get back to sleep.  Walking the dog is my exercise - I'm the main one in charge of his exercise, as I'm usually the one around who can do it regularly.  Although we do like to walk him 'en famille' at the weekends (if the children aren't too grouchy)...

Still reading 'Wolf Hall'.  Want to finish it now. It takes me a long time to read, and I've been distracted by low cholesterol cookery books, and such like...  time to put the hens to bed.

Marks for the end of year report.?  I'd give it a cautious 7/10, with room for improvement, but compared to last year, that's a whole lot better!

TTFN.  keep it sweet.  Kat

So it turns out....

... I've got high blood pressure.

Bit of a blow.  I'm not quite 47.  Better to know about it though.

Probably down to stress.  I don't add salt, and we only have crisps/chips 'n' dips every other week, if that.  I'm mainly vegetarian (don't like meat), but do eat fish.  I don't drink.  The rare occasions I've had a drink over last 3-4 years I've not enjoyed it and it's added to my 'menopausal' symptoms (headaches, insomnia, hot flushes, irritability), so, at Christmas, I stopped.  (Feel much better without it to be honest).  I do like a nice piece of cake and cup of tea.  I walk the dog (after school run, you've read about it in previous blogs of mine...).  I'm house-wife, mother, wife (not necessarily in that order).  I'm cutting down on dairy and increasing soya.

Looking back it has been quite stressful.

I mean, 2nd baby at age 40.  (Home birth, brilliant!).  Then, 11 months later, we moved house.  Not just moved house, moved area.  Totally.  Like 75miles distant from support network developed from 1st child's ante natal group.  Oh, yes, and I gave up my job (at RBG, Kew) to move here.  So lost that sense of self.  And we lost my lovely mother-in-law, Verity, to MND within 3 months of us moving house.  And I staggered on through the accumulated grief/stress/rage and doom, because, that's what you do.  When you're the mum.  When things need doing.  And looking back, it seems I don't remember much about it.  And that's probably for the best.

And then when Tom was old enough for school I started to work with my husband, and we struggled to keep the business going, but it sank, and that's when I started to blog, to try to find my voice again, to try to find myself.  And by and by, I went to see my GP, and we found my high blood pressure, and borderline anaemia, (explains why I've been sooooo tired for the last years, and why my feet are cold in bed), which can be addressed.

And looking back I didn't know it at the time, but it was quite stressful.  So, now I'm taking the pills, and some iron supplement, and feeling much better!  But the late nights of the weekend are catching up, and although I could quite happily have gone to bed an hour ago, there's still a hen up and I can't go to bed until they're safely tucked away and locked in for the night... 

We had a manic weekend again.  Richard over from Singapore (not seen him for 4 yrs or so), and other visitors as well.  Cooking, child-minding/entertaining, dog walking, laundry, car wash, work at the library, and not necessarily in that order!

No time to read Wolf Hall.  I'm still round about page 500.  This is why I daren't take long books out of the library.  I can read 10 pages a night, most, before I'm asleep!  And, on the insomnia front.  I think the stress levels are improving, and the sleep is as well.  To those fellow insomniacs out there, it may help to talk.  It did for me.

TTFN.  Kat  ;)

My English country garden, early May.