She walks like...

There's a catchy song on the Radio 2 playlist that is driving me mad with the shallow lyrics and the mindlessness that attaches to them...

'Walks Like Rihanna' by The Wanted has a chorus with the following lines:

She can't sing, she can't dance but who cares
She walks like rihanna
She can't sing, she can't dance but who cares
She walks like rihanna


EXCUSE ME!!  Who cares?  I do.  This is not the aspiration I want young people to look up to.

This throw-away pop song with the very catchy tune, I could sing it to you now, my 7 year old son sings it in the back seat of the car on the way to school, my almost 70 year old mother knew it when I mentioned it to her on the phone, the catchy ear-worm, that stays in you head, no matter how much you want to get rid of it ... is re-inforcing the sexist agenda, infiltrating our sub-conscious, messing with our heads, devaluing our girls, sending the message that women are worthless unless they fit the media dominated stereotype, that plastic made-up made-over everyday pornographic ideal, with high heels, perfect nails, fake tan, WAG wannabe, barbie-doll looks ... and no brain.

Excuse me.  Who cares?....  I do.

Kat.

Excuse me, what's the modern social etiquette for that?

Sports Day at my son's primary school doesn't usually throw up the sort of situation that has me rummaging for my copy of Debrett's Guide to Etiquette.  No, actually, I don't have a copy of Debrett's,  but the thought flittered across my mind that perhaps there was no actual etiquette for what happened as it unravelled.

Firstly some background.  Tom's best friend at school was, for modesty's sake, called 'A'.  They had been at nursery together, and had both moved to the same primary school together.  Unfortunately 'A's parents separated last year, and sadly for Tom, 'A' has moved with his Mum 'X' and sister 'B' to a lovely part of the country, where 'X' had been working during the break-up.  We've supported 'X' throughout, and have kept in touch.

These things happen.

But.  'X''s husband, now ex, shall we call him 'Y', has been the protagonist of the piece, although we've only got 'X's side of the story, and how can anyone else really know what happens to a couple when a marriage breaks down?

Suffice to say, last year 'Y' left 'X', with barely an explanation, other than he needed some space and was stopping with a friend.  Eventually it transpired that the friend, shall we call her BITCH? 'Z', was the divorced mother of a child at school, and we'll never know how she got her claws into him, or how much he wanted her claws... let's not go down that route.

According to 'X' the only communication she's had from 'Y' since he physically left her has been via text or the occasional e-mail, and solicitor's letters.  I understand that he now 'skypes' with the children once a week, and has only seen them twice in the year since he left.  The one time I saw him at school pick up when he collected 'Z's daughter 'z' I completely blanked him.  Obviously.

So.

At Sports Day last week I was sitting on my rug eating my lunch (it said 'bring a picnic'), minding my own business, wondering if the weather would improve (it was trying to rain) and in the spirit of it being June I was wearing sunglasses (which I often do, as their physical barrier proves a good defence against pollen, preventing hayfever), when who should amble over, squat beside me and commence conversation? but 'Y' himself!!!

I nearly choked on my lunch, but thankfully didn't have to make eye-contact because I was wearing sunglasses.

So. So. So.  What would you have done?

He was being friendly, and my whole tone was cool.  My body language screamed 'get away' (I'm guessing he's not too good on body language as he hung around, although my feet, knees, torso, shoulders and head were facing away from him - he sort of hung by my left shoulder and I didn't adjust my position ie turn around to face him - what more could I do other than get up and leave? which would have made a scene, and frankly it didn't seem the right time or place for that...) well, if not screamed, at least indicated politely that he wasn't welcome.  Too subtle?

So he made small talk about last year's Sport's Day, the weather, the organisation of the event, the timing (it was running, unsurprisingly, a little late), and I answered in kind, politely, but with closed answers which didn't encourage further conversation, and eventually, after a while, he got the message(?) and left - or was it just that 'Z' had arrived and he went over to be with her...

I found the whole situation AWKWARD, as my daughter would say.

So.  Just how do you handle the philandering ex-husband of your son's best friend's mother?  Wrong time wrong place for a 'have you seen 'A' and 'B' recently? and how are they getting on at their new school?' kind of conversation?

Not my place, not my style to make a scene, but just what did he think he was playing at?  What was going on in his mind?  'Oh, there's 'K', I'll have a nice normal chat with her, see if she'll fall to my charm?'.

Not on you nelly, 'Y', you loser.  How you can treat your family like that, and then act as if you expected me to treat you as if everything was all right, or normal, when it's patently not... I'm speechless.  (Well, actually, as you can see, I'm not, but, you catch my drift...).

So, do they have a section for 'awkward/complicated' in Debrett's?   Because if they do, I'll get myself a copy.

Tom came 5th (of 6) in the 60m dash; 1st in the Egg and Spoon; and 3rd in the Obstacle Race.  That's my boy.

Kat.

A taste of things to come...

A week ago I took my car for its service and MOT certificate. This being my new (second-owner) car, and a Skoda, I took it to the dealer I bought it from in Oxford.  I arrived as planned at 10am and when asked where the service book was I told him he was lucky to have me and the car, seeing as I'd already driven my son to school in Faringdon, walked the dog, put the washing out and the dishwasher on...

When he said the car would be ready around 4pm, I told him that wasn't what I'd agreed on the phone, I needed to be away from Oxford by 3pm at the latest, so I could collect my son from school and take him to Beavers (Scouts for the 6-8yr old age range) at 4.30pm.  He said he'd see what he could do, and would phone me when ready, so off  I tootled on the bus down the Abingdon Road and into Oxford itself.

I've not done anything like that for years.  In so much as I've usually always got one or both children with me, or even the whole family in tow, and under those circumstances you can't please yourself...

Under these circumstances I could please myself, and it felt .... good.

I popped into the Town Hall for a 'free-wee' as I call it.  It's always good to know where you can use a public convenience without having to pay to use it.  You can always go to a cafe/Costa/Starbucks (whose bucks???) and pay for drink and a wee, but I prefer not to.  In the Town Hall in Oxford you now also find The Oxford Museum, which has been squeezed by budget cuts into two rooms, but gives you a flavour of the place and is worth a visit.  The volunteer on the desk was very knowledgeable and I had a good interesting chat with him - and since there were no children to distract me I found out quite a bit!

Next I pottered over to St Mary's Parish Church, which had recently had renovations and where the stained glass windows really sparkled with colour.  This dates from medieval times and is free to visit, and also holds concerts when not in use for worship.  Whilst not having any faith myself I am drawn to visit churches or ancient monuments and can temporarily feel a sense of light or lightness if you will.    This I put down to previous spirits that have visited that space and I can feel a connection but no calling.

Passing by the Radcliffe Camera I spotted the Bodleian Library, and popped in as my WI had been on the tour, but I'd been unable to join that trip that time.  I managed to get myself onto the standard tour at 11.30am, and spent a happy hour in the company of 8 strangers and a very well informed and enthusiastic guide.  I'd recommend a visit there if you've not done it.

After a quick bite to eat at a cafe I popped into Debenhams for another 'free wee' and then, as the weather was nice (!) thought I'd walk back along the Abingdon road to the garage to wait for my car.  All done and dusted by 3pm, and although I was much poorer after paying for the service, I'd relished my day of freedom....  I think I'll be able to get used to it once the children leave home.... in about 10-15 years!

Keep it sweet.  :)  Kat.

One of these days my dog is going to wear my shoes...

.. no, really.  It might happen.  When I take Roly for his morning walk after dropping Tom at his school, I often change my shoes for my wellies.  I keep my wellies in the back of the car where Roly sits to travel.  I put my shoes into the back of the car, take Roly for his walk, and then when we get back to the car I usually encourage him into the car first (to prevent him from roaming on the road) before changing back into my shoes.  There have been several times when he's nearly landed in my shoes as he jumps in....

So, there's almost been too much going on to have time to put finger to keyboard and keep the old blog up to date...

Back at the end of May half-term holiday we took the children to the Hay Literary Festival.  Hay in a day!  Hay on Wye.  Near Wales.  In a day.  2hrs 15mins there (and back), and a lovely time we had when we were there, but sadly forgot to take my camera...  Managed to see Rob Easterman's show/lecture 'Maths for Mums and Dads' which was entirely family friendly, and had Tom (age 7) and Phoebe (age 12) on the edge of their seats and totally engaged (in maths) for 45 minutes. Ditto Mum and Dad.  Well done that man!

I took the children to Legoland Windsor for the last time on our annual passes - a week before their expiry date.  Interestingly, although it's incredibly popular it does look tired, faded, jaded, worn out in places.  A victim of its own success, the queues are off-putting, and I can't afford an annual pass for everyone again this year.

Simon took the children to the RAF Museum at Hendon, North London on the Friday - I was working. They seem to have had a good time there, and it's free entry, so worth knowing about.

Here are some photos from my garden, the Spring has sprung, and everything's looking lovely, if I do say so myself...

Peony, Iris, Aqueligia (sp?) Apple Blossom, Tulips. The Hollyhocks are going to be strong as usual, and I do covet a Lilac and would love some Lupins - sadly, I've not managed to get them right yet, I call them slug food....

Early night tonight.  Happy summer!  Kat  :)