Return to normality

It's over, for another year anyway....  We had a lovely relaxed Christmas Day. We'd told the children not to open any presents, nor wake their parents, until they could see that it was light outside.  So Tom snuck into our room at 7.30am, exclaiming that 'He'd been' and also that he 'could see the hedge in the garden, so it must be light outside'.  Well played, if I say so myself.

Our neighbours, K & J had invited us round to Xmas lunch this year - which was lovely as their children, H & A, play well with our two.  They live 3 doors down the road from us, so it was very easy to arrange, and not at all difficult to take our nut-roasts balanced on top of the Apple and Blackberry Crumble - an alternative pudding for those who don't like traditional Christmas Pudding.

There was a little fussiness by Tom (7) about lunch, which may have been the prelude to his vomiting later that night, at 2.30am, and again at 3am.  We stayed at home on Boxing Day (26th December), in case anything further developed, but he was as right as rain.  'Better out than in' as the saying goes.

The next day (27th) we'd planned a trip to the cinema to see 'Frozen' and combined it with a shopping expedition.  This isn't because I like shopping.  In fact, there's nothing I'd like to do less, but unfortunately the Kangol Hat Simon had given me for Xmas needed to go back for exchange, and the nearest TK Maxx store is in Swindon.  (The hat cloche shape in itself was fine, just I wouldn't have chosen fluffy dyed rabbit fur, and not with the leather 'belt' detail.)

To get to TK Maxx involved a trip to the other side of Swindon... via the (in)famous 'Magic Roundabout.  I'd never heard of it until we moved hereabouts, and I've only been round it once before, but it's not something I'd like to do too readily.  It's a roundabout made up of 5 smaller roundabouts, and is designed to keep traffic moving, albeit slowly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_Roundabout_(Swindon)

Well, I learned something from that link.

So. A quick trip to exchange the hat, for a nice handbag, and then we headed onto the Swindon Outlet Centre - a bit like Bicester Village - lots of 'designer' shops in a mall, selling discounted goods.  The 'mall' used to be the Great Western Railway buidings/sheds, so the architecture was of interest.  We whizzed along trying to find Phoebe some footwear.  I shan't say 'shoes' because she hates shoe shopping.

We invariably end up with school shoes only because her height dictates that to avoid falling over too much her feet must be adequately large.  UK size 8 and 8.5.  Eur 43/44 (this is open to debate).  USA size 11?  The problem here is that most ladies shoe shops only stock up to UK size 8.  Her half-size foot is therefore her Achilles Heel, if you'll forgive the pun!  As luck would have it we eventually found her some 'biker' style black boots with 2cm chunky heel which she deemed acceptable.  Phew.

Although I don't like shopping I saw the opportunity to find new pasta bowls.  We actually needed some new ones as the ones we had have this year finally cracked from use and there's only one of them left from the set.  They were a wedding present to us, back in 1995, so they've not done too badly.  Fortunately I found a style I liked in John Lewis - the Portmerion range had quite a substantial discount.  Original selling price on the 'botanic garden' range pasta bowl, £14.50.  Reduced price -75% @ £3.62.  I got six. Thank you very much!

We thought it would be fun to have lunch at Ed's Easy Diner.  We'd not been in one for about 15 years - there's one in Brighton, and certainly one or more in London.

http://www.edseasydiner.com/index.php

Ah-ha.  According to the website, there's now 27 around the country.  Not the 'logical' choice for a vegetarian, but the veggie burgers are both good.  It's the atmosphere that's the attraction, and they still had 'it' whatever 'it' is.  If you're near one I recommend you go there.

I'd go back to the Outlet Centre - as there's a National Trust Centre to visit, and STEAM as well.  http://www.steam-museum.org.uk/

Lunch done, we went to the cinema (thankfully avoiding the Magic Roundabout this time), and saw the 2.20pm showing of the new Disney movie 'Frozen'.  The children enjoyed it, and I cried, as usual.  I still want to see that 'Saving Mr Banks', and the poster for the new Coen Brothers film out 28th January looks good.

Simon driving home gives me an opportunity to be a frustrated birdwatcher.  Well.  Me driving is also opportunity, but I have to keep my eyes on the road.  Doh.  I'd love to have more time to pursue this old interest of mine, but I have to get my fix where I can, and this usually entails keeping my eyes and ears open whilst dog-walking.

Anyhoo, it's a good 40 minutes to and from Swindon.  I saw a couple of Kestrals hovering at the road verge, pretty sure the 'big' raptor was a Buzzard and not a Kite, and returning on the A417, in the half-light of dusk at around 4.20pm I saw my first murmuration.  Which was magical and extremely frustrating as we were in traffic and the verges are too high to pull over and park on.  Even if I'd had my camera I'd not have had time to capture it.  Perhaps there's a use after all for those google glasses that hit the news this year?

Night night y'all.  Kat.

Up together

I'd like to be more 'up together' with my blogging, but life usually intervenes and it's a hit and miss affair again.

So, obviously it's been busy since last posting (1st December).  The end of a school term is always frantic, and then there's the subterfuge of buying, hiding, wrapping and hiding the Christmas gifts.  We've an advantage this year as Tom's staying with his grandparents for a week, which makes the wrapping and hiding much easier without prying eyes....  Our children's schools break up a week before the state schools, so the usual childcare option isn't available.  Thank goodness for Grandma and Grandad - in so many ways....  :)

So far as Christmas goes, as of today I'm fairly 'up together'.  The presents are, for the most part, wrapped and hidden.  The ironing's done.  Full-stop.   The kitchen floor is mopped, although why I bother at this time of the year is a constant frustration - there seems very little point in mopping the kitchen floor only for it to be muddied immediately by dog paws.  It's not the dog's fault, it's the weather.  When we get the kitchen re-done I'll replace the 50cm cream tiles that are there presently with traditional country kitchen quarry tiles, thank you very much.  I'm practical first and foremost.

On a practicalities front there was an unwelcome development when I got home from work this evening.  One of the hens had died.  I half expected it, but not as quickly as that.  The remaining speckeldy must have been 4 years old, and after her sister had died in August I'd been keeeping an eye on her.  She'd had a mucky back end for a while, but seemed OK, and with some worming stuff in the water she seemed to rally, and her back end had appeared much cleaner, drier and her feathers nice and fluffy after the moult.

I was slightly concerned this morning to see her isolating herself from the other two, and had noticed her hunched stance, but in my experience with other birds this is usually a signal to observe.  There's no easy way to decide when the right time is to despatch a hen, but I'll do it if I have to, and have done so in the past.  Not this time.   She wasn't in 'bed' with the other two, so I had a quick search round of their enclosure (in the dark, in this evening's pelting rain, with my head torch on) and spotted her on her side, legs sticking out stiffly.

I've yet to dispose of the body.  I'm still in my work gear, and it's still raining.  It seems a little disrespectful to leave her outside all night, and I'm not sure what I'll find in the morning if I do leave her, so will probably get changed and sort it out after this.

On a lighter note, I've good news to share. I've got a new job, starting 20th January.  I'll still be in the Library Service, but will be working Tuesday morning, Wednesday afternoon and all day Friday at Witney Library on a permanent contract.  It'll be very different to the last two years at Grove, but I've learned a lot, and my contract was due to end end of April.  I'm looking forward to the challenge.

We chose the pantomime 'Aladdin' for our festive display in the library this year.  Note the pointy shoes and turban in front of the genie/jinni.  I made them. 'Junk modelling' and papier-mache!  Not bad, if I say so myself.... My boss's son did the artwork for the characters on the wall - we're really pleased with the effect.  We had to move the treasure box of chocolate coins further along the shelves as they were being melted by the wall-heater.

Right ho. The mince pies won't make themselves.  I'll knock up some pastry, and then I've two jars of last year's home-made mincemeat, so they should be good.

Night y'all.
Kat  :)

Relative Values

My cousin asked me a question back in July, and I've been thinking about it ever since.  In fact, I've probably been thinking about it all my adult life, and, to be frank, I'm not entirely sure I've got an answer to it.

"Hey, K, is it worth it?".  "What?". "Having kids.  Is it worth it?".  "I'm not sure." I think I said, or 'maybe, it's complicated' or 'who knows?'...  all answers I'd have blurted out in shock at being asked such a direct and powerful question.

So. Having considered it for some time now, how do I answer the question?  With trepidation.  If I were an economist doing a cost-benefit analysis on whether having children was worth it, I'd have to say no, probably not.  In a strict how much does it cost question we have to include the financial costs, the physical costs and the emotional costs.

Financially, the costs can be severe, but not actually as much as some newspapers report, and not if you take a common sense approach to providing for your offspring.  In my opinion, baby doesn't need to have everything/anything new.  Baby doesn't know or care if the clothes come from a charity shop, so long as they're clean, and baby doesn't know a mothercare buggy from a bugaboo, phil&jane, or hand-me-down, so long as it's safe.

The cost of raising a child is directly proportional to the influence marketing has on unimaginative and time pressed parents (who buy/spend to make up for not spending time with the child/working long hours), and the competitive element which is evident at the creche/nursery/school gates.  Obviously if splashing out on buying the 'best' for your child gives you pleasure, then by all means, go ahead, knock yourself out.  You're only putting money in the pockets of the businessman.

The one thing your child craves more than anything else is your time, because in their eyes, time equals love.  If you haven't the time, or aren't really prepared to make the time, then maybe you're not ready, nor will ever be ready to be a parent.

Physically, the costs can also be severe.  Assuming you're blessed with a baby which is 'normal', the physical toll will still be immense.  Pregnancy issues aside, the early days with your bundle of joy can be the most demanding time you'll ever experience.  Sleep deprivation is recognised as a form of torture, and most new parents will suffer from this to a greater or lesser extent.  Tactically, is it better to let the mother get on with it, so the father (assuming he's on the scene) can perform at work (assuming he chooses to go to work), or do you share the load and have two knackered parents which puts a strain on the relationship?  Or will this shared torture make them stronger together?

Emotionally, the costs depend on how engaged you are with the child.  The (all consuming) worry when they have their first illness, their next and subsequent illness, their innoculations, their knees scraped, their confidence knocked or bolstered... Their first everything, their tears, their tantrums, their behaviour, good or bad, their eye contact, their smile, their scowl, tears, jokes, tantrums, boy/girlfriend, broken heart, mended heart, burnt fingers - literally and metaphorically - their joy, their achievements, their life.

But.  A cost-benefit analysis suggests you get something in return.  There must be some benefit to having children, or why would we do it?  Biology suggests we have the imperative to reproduce, and indeed this is a great force to be reckoned with.

I reckoned with it for a long time.  In as much as in my twenties I swore I'd never have children.  They cramp your style.  They spoil your life - there's no freedom, no spontanity - if you have children you need a babysitter.  A pension.  Life insurance.  A house.  A mortgage.  A car.   Responsibility... You have to grow up yourself. Where's the fun in that?  I'd rather have fun myself.

And yet.  There are some people out there who are obviously 'meant' to have children. I wasn't one of them, until I hit 34 and my biological clock started to ring. Very loudly.  And we had Phoebe. And when we'd got over the shock of her, 5 years, and one miscarriage later, we had Tom.

And having a daughter was such a shock, such a life jolting moment, such an immense joy that you don't question the cost.  You don't ask 'is it worth it?' (well, maybe at 2am when the baby doesn't sleep, or 2am when the teenager's still out at night). You're just completely absolutely wholeheartedly one hundred percent in love, and from that moment on it doesn't stop.

The most powerful thing I know is the love I feel for my children. And is that worth it?  Yes.  Question answered.